This was me yesterday when I saw someone thinking paint 3D was the original MS paint
they thought what…
my favorite thing about this post is that it originally started like this but someone snuck in another bullet along the way when you could still edit other people’s posts. the depth. the history. the tumblr lore. mystery author, i know you’re out there somewhere…
i never thought i’d write the words “deeply evil carpet” but. seriously. what a deeply evil carpet that is.
And what you should do is to put this over an actual trap, like a hole in the floor so people will be like “Oh ha ha ha that’s soooo funny, it’s a rug!” And then fall through it.
finding out that almost all other animals donโt have periods like we do and instead simply reabsorb the egg back into their uterine lining to reuse the nutrients is like finding out the rest of the class has been taking WILDLY easier tests than you for the whole semester
like, hey, cat why donโt you have to use your Cat Dollars to invest in tampons? And cat is just like: fuck that noise, my body is OPTIMAL for not being made of inconvenient nonsense, sucks to be you
wack.
humans: hey, bleeding every month is actually really cumbersome and I lose both valuable nutrients AND fluids I need for survival? What the fuck is up?
evolution: yes, alright, but have you considered this about it? *cartoon blow horn noise*ย
Human bodies suck for many reasons including but not limited to:
Periods
Bad backs
Permanent breasts that do not leave once baby is weaned
Dangerously large, unprotected, and non retractable male reproductive systems
Huge brain takes up way too much energy gotta eat more sleep less
Baby brain bigger than hips guess birth is life threatening now
Takes like 25 years for big brain to even finish maturing
โขTeeth are critical to living, yet not designed to last more than a few years without constant intervention and upkeep, and donโt grow back if this is not accomplished. Also, losing your teeth means the bones in your ear will shift, and your hearing will worsen.
โขBreathing, eating, communication all from the same pathway, major choking hazard. Give me a dolphin style breathing tube.
โขMost pleasurable nerve endings on the body locating on the filthiest parts of you, guarenteed spread of bacteria.
โขknees and shoulders have almost zero capability to heal correctly, once they break, theyโre basically broken forever without massive outside influence.
Em | 27 | They/Them | Queer as fuck
